Transitions will occur over and over during a child’s school career.  So how can we make change easier for ourselves and for our children?  Remember that during transitions, children often need extra time, attention, and support from their parents.  Parents may need to express their concerns.  However, it is best not to display your anxiety over this issue with your child.  You don’t want to transfer your fears to your child.  Seek out other supportive adults, ideally someone who has “been there.”

Children may feel sadness at being separated from you.  They may feel anxiety about the unknown, fear of not being accepted, or worry that they may not be able to do the work.

Anxiety about learning the rules, finding their bus or the bathroom are all common but very real concerns to children starting out in a new school.

As a parent you may also feel sadness at the separation from your child, sadness that your child is growing up and moving on to the next stage.  You may feel uncertain about what your role should be in the new setting and how the school views parental involvement.  Anxiety about whether the school and/or teacher is the best for your child is a typical fear.

Some ideas that may smooth your child’s transition into a new setting include:

If there is an open house, orientation, welcome day, or other opportunity for parents and/or children to get acquainted, be sure to attend.  Finding or making a buddy at this event can do much to smooth the new school start.

Call the school and get an appointment or permission to tour the building with your child.  Remember to take a look at the playground and emphasize that part of the school day could be spent there. 

Talk about what will happen during a typical school day.  Go through the schedule, if possible, with your child.  Look for trouble spots and discuss what to do if problems occur.  (“What are some things you can do if that happens?”)

Check out the books and read about starting school.  This can open up great conversations with your child.  

Be available to your child when school starts.  Postpone things that don’t absolutely have to be done so you have time for your child.

Let your child express negative feelings.  Even though some of his or her concerns seem minor to you, take them seriously.  Listen with empathy and suggest ways to get through it.  Follow up in a few days to see how things are going.  

Practice getting on the bus.  Usually the higher grades will start a week or so before pre-school or kindergarten classes begin.  Find a bus in your neighborhood with a driver willing to let you check out the bus.  Let your child climb up the steps, sit in a seat, then get off.

Expect the transition to be ultimately positive.  Remember that it may take time to feel comfortable with these changes and that first impressions are not always accurate.  Your own positive attitude can help your child be positive too.  Find opportunities to comment to your child on what is positive about this change.

Here are a few things that you can do for yourself as a parent to ease this transition:

Make it clear that you want to be considered a partner in you child’s education.

Learn about the school philosophy, policies and teaching methods.  Get to know parents of other children in the school.

Stay involved with your child’s education.  Ask the teacher what is the best way to reach him or her.  One way to keep in contact is to request a communication notebook that can go back and forth between home and school in your child’s backpack.

Pay attention to your own feelings about the new family stage you are entering and build for the future.

Plan time for family fun to relieve stress, strengthen family ties and keep perspective.  Remember that through all kinds of transitions, throughout life, families can be a steady source of support for one another.